quit your bellyaching..

in the past couple of days, I've realized something.
Negroes complain too damn much.
Now, I'm not talking about the kind of complaining that leads to petitions, marches, boycotts.
I'm talking shit like this: "where the phuck is my check, why is this line so effing long," and the camel that broke the straw's back, wait for it..
that's phucked up, Tony got too many damn stores... Are you serious, hating on homey cause your dumb ass keeps him paid???
Which leads to another question, why does everyone else BUT my people have businesses in my hood?

I'll put this out there now: if you're in line at the bodega and homeboy is taking too long to make your sammich cause he's the only one behind the counter, you got 2 choices, take your ass home and cook your own food, or wait quietly..

I'm ready to move and live with some other people, I was tired of the hood a long time ago...

Things that need to be retired in the '09

The New York Post
dudes that wear their pants hanging off their asses, with a belt.
celebrities who think they're bigger than Jesus once they get famous, hey Kanye..
chicks who piggyback off their famous friends for fifteen seconds of fame
girls who wear their jeans too low, every time they turn around, you see plumber's crack...
children with a mouth full of teeth, walking, talking, with pacifiers in their mouths
all the tacky bootleg Obama merchandise, yes we can and we did, but damn enough is enough
speed dating
taking a dude back after he kicks your ass, hello, Rihanna!
women beating dudes with their shoes, if it gets that serious, hit him upside the head with a hot frying pan.
people who wear huge bags on crowded trains
actors who aren't white getting Oscars every couple of decades.
reality shows where delusional desperate women compete for a man ex: the Bachelor, for the love of Ray J, etc.
Supernanny, we need some Supergrannies in this piece
swagger
rappers who wanna be rock stars, rock stars who wanna be rappers, pick a lane and stay there, dammit
Zahara Jolie's lack of hairdos, make friends with a black person already!
Dancing with the Stars
celebrities that wanna act like they're still in the hood, screw up, when they're faced with hard time, suddenly get a show to redeem themselves
Mo'nique taking pictures with those Sasquatch legs, you got money booboo get some Nair in your life.
songs about getting drunk in the club
ghetto fabulous urban fiction
The Biggest Loser, I watch it while eating a cheeseburger.
Those "feminine hygiene" commercials

missed connections

Have you ever seen someone walking down the street, or in the supermarket, or maybe the A train..
and glanced at them for a split second and thought, "Damn, he's fine!"

About 2 months back, I saw this brother in Pathmark..mmmm delicious. Tall, dark and handsome is putting it mildly. Normally I go for the redbones, but the chocolate brothers always sneak past my radar. I was looking tore up that day with my winter gear on, I was most likely in a funky mood, cause it was so damn cold.

Anyway, I noticed he had a mark around his left eye, kinda like a vanilla swirl in a bowl of chocolate pudding... we looked at each other, i'm thinking say something, anything, but alas, nothing.

Oh, where art thou, my Godiva prince???

The runner-up...

I watched Redbelt last night. The plot had lots of twists and turns, interesting. But never mind that, lo and behold what do my eyes behold before me, but Mr. Chiwetel Ejiofor.


He's a British actor, Google him, why don't you?
You may have seen him in Talk to Me, American Gangster, Children of Men, or my favorite, Kinky Boots.
Kinda looks like the brother that lives in your building or the one at the bookstore or at the poetry reading. Very unassuming but once you get him alone, ooowwee..

This is an older picture, he looked a little rough in the movie, but I'd still hit that...after I shave that hair off his chest... I may have to get me a passport and pay him a visit...

Here, baby, there mama, everywhere daddy, daddy, HAIR!!

I've spent so much time and money on..you guessed it..my hair!
So far, I've had braids(black and fuchsia), close cut naturals, dyed(colors in and out of the spectrum), fried, laid to the side.

I've been ponytailed, cornrowed, nubian knotted, boofruto'd(if you lived in NYC in the 90's, you know what I'm talking about) curled, swirled, and the old standby, the slickback(with that brown "protein gel") oh yeah, let's not forget the goddess braids, and the old dusty chestnut, the Afro, teeny weeny and super size, black one time and multi-colored the next.
The old asymmetrical weave and cut, one color..sometimes two..
I've spent so much time in the beauty supply stores buying someone else's hair and having it glued to my head.....

I must say the craziest thing I've done is let some girl I barely knew bleach, dye and put two different tints in my hair, can you say Rainbow Brite? Or could it be that time I had box braids in the front and back and nubian knots in the middle? But dammit, I pulled it off with flair!

Why, you ask? Maybe the Purple Dragon acid and the weed my parents did back in the day somehow leaked into my DNA..
Or maybe I like to see how much I can fuck with my hair and still have some left on my head.
In my defense, everyone has or should have a creative outlet, up to this date, my hair has been my muse. And also, I can't stand looking like everyone else. If you ride any train in the hood or walk down any street in the urban USA, you know what I'm talking about. Either it's this:



or:




So now, while I still have some hair left on my head, and to avoid sitting in barbershops and having to answer stupid ass questions, I've approached the final frontier, went and got me some locks, I must say I love, love, love them! So if in about a month, you see a woman in Brooklyn with fire red locks..

Let's get married...

Me and my daughter watched Platinum Weddings last night. Well, it's true. Money can't buy style. The ENTIRE wedding was red and black. The bride's dress was black.

My daughter said I bet you the cake is gonna be red velvet. And you know it was! Jagged Edge performed and they hired a celebrity DJ. They spent 120 thousand on entertainment.The grand total for the wedding was half a million dollars. Is you crazy?

OK I'm all for black love and black folks getting married. But come on this wedding looked like a prom. or in my daughter's words, a kitchen ass country ass hot ghetto mess. Well.

Just so you know, we both love red velvet cake, and red and black are good...for blog themes...

Sunday's Best..

So I'm watching Sunday's Best on BET. As always, there were some people that had no business on that show. And there are two ladies, Crystal and Shari that I'm rooting for.

One of the ladies said that you have to praise God through your tears. In spite of your circumstances, God doesn't change!!

There have been times that I let my faith and trust in God waver, but I still believe in Him....

Oh, Dwayne, you Rock my world...

How do I lust after thee? Is it your smile, your confidence, the tattoos, or this scene from Walking Tall?

Reading is fundamental...

I first started reading at three years old. Ever since then, I'm in love with books. Seriously, lock me in a room with a stack two feet high and my ipod and I'm entertained!

Any way, I got to thinking about the whole urban fiction thing. On one hand, I'm happy to see more people reading cause not everyone is a card-carrying member of Oprah's book club.
Most of the plots are pretty standard and the endings are always predictable...

At the risk of sounding like a snob, extend yourselves just a little, people.. it doesn't hurt!

You Must Learn.....

OK, so I'm talking to my neighbor last night about an online petition I signed:
http://www.petitiononline.com/badpick/petition.html

I found out about it from here:
http://invisible-cinema.blogspot.com/

To make a long story short, I told her that I didn't think Beyonce is a good pick to play Angela Davis....then she said, Angela Davis, who's that? Are you serious? She's says, I'm a 80's baby.
That's no damn excuse!!! If that argument is valid, then I shouldn't know who she is either cause I'm in my 30's.

How can we be ignorant of our history????

Who is Angela Davis, you ask??? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angela_Davis

by the way, miss beyonce don't look nothing like this, it takes more than an Afro wig.....

RuPaul's Drag Race....

is officially my favorite show.
A sista finally paid the rent on the cable!
Where have you been all my life?
Oh, the drama, the makeup, the outfits, the runway!!
Akasha was damned from the start, the slip and fall on the runway!!! OOPS..
Nina Flowers working the punk drag yet still versatile...
Shanelle, with your cheeks hanging out...
Ongina, omg, when you said celebrate life, and made your confession, chile I almost broke down, my prayers are with you..
Bebe Zahara Benet, serving up Africa, and 21st century Josephine Baker...Black Power!!
Work the runway, sweeties!
If you have cable, you need to catch up right away!!

Seriously, speaking as a natural woman, these queens is serving it on a 24K platter..To think that some of these men look better than most of America's Top Models inspires me to believe that with enough makeup and the right supportive garments, I can serve these bony bitches!!!

It takes Courage, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent!!!

Random questions (fueled by fatigue, negroitis, and Grey Goose)

Why does a man look better once you dump him?
Why are the best orgasms self-induced?
Why is my dream life better than real life?
Why would I rather watch cartoons than the news?
Why do I ask myself what happened to that little girl in the picture?
Why do people think since Obama is President, racism and ignorance doesn't exist?
Why do my children think I know where everything they own is at all times? Shit, can't even keep up with my own shit half the time?
Why are there more jails than schools in my neighborhood?

Why ask why?

Day one..

Well, here goes...
After reading everyone else's blogs, I finally grew a pair and posted mine..
I'm learning as I go, so here goes....